Guilty
by rememberese
Summary: You know how fast gossip travels down these halls, you’re damaged goods, Mr. Mason, we can’t have that rubbing off on me.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: I don't know where I'm headed with this, it isn't meant to be a one-shot, but a lack of interest may send it that way. This would never happen on the show, it was simply inspired by how hot Miriam and Shane are together. Unfortunately for all, we have to deal with Emma's disgusting crush on Peter this season. RIP Emma/Jay. No problems with Spinner and Darcy, Sparcy or Dinner, whatever the kids are calling it these days. Cute. Reviews appreciated, but this was a spur of the moment type writing so don't be expecting too much.

"You should go, they called him in today."

"Fuck," she whispered as she looked down at the counter.

"Do you want me to call you when I get out?"

"What does it matter, we never _do_ anything anyway," she coldly replied.

"Em...come on, you know I want to," he said.

"And this is the part where you include a 'but'," she said interrupting him.

"But," he said turning his head and smiling. "He's been there for me. I can't just go behind his back like that. Especially since you two are the only people I have left."

"I've been there for you too, you always seem to forget that part," she said with a sigh.

"I don't forget that, I wouldn't forget that. You're the only person who gave me a chance at redemption."

"And you gave me that same shot. That's why this is supposed to happen."

"And maybe it will, but it can't now."

"I know," she whispered as she got up from the counter and started to walk to the door. 

Walking in was the one face that she'd been trying to avoid the past months, that of Jay Hogart. Instead of the usual icy stare, she just looked at the ground, while he looked at her dumbfounded. He knew she had been avoiding him, and finding her at his place of employment just didn't add up. She had hated him once, months ago. The STD, the ravine, the humiliation, everything added up in a way that made her fume. And she did just that, fumed. For weeks, she shot him down each and every time he tried to apologize. But when the end of the year parent-teacher conferences rolled around, just before he was expelled, she saw him being led through the doors of Degrassi by his stumbling drunk mother, and realized it had all come from something else, that we're all just a bundle of really bad experiences. Now he just made her feel guilty. 

"Meet me at the Dot," Spinner had once told her, and she hadn't looked back since. 

He half-heartedly had tried to set her back up with Jay. When she showed no interest, he started to bring up other topics. They both admitted to the guilt they felt when it came to Rick and Jimmy. They talked for hours some days. Yes, it was between him dealing with other patrons, but it didn't matter, she knew deep down she had all of his attention. However the friendship was put on pause during the weekends, because that's when Jay worked. 

After passing Jay on her way out, she walked home as she normally did after days of Diet Coke's behind the Dot's counter.

"On the house," he'd tell her, with a smile, as he served the other nameless customers. They all had stories, she knew that, but hers was the only one he cared about. 

She dragged her book bag against the ground, as if the weight of a Marine Biology book was far too much for her to handle. Five-hundred and forty-six steps to her house when she wore her tennis shoes, slightly more on the days that called for heels. 

She always left the basement window that led to her room open. She was waiting for the day that when they left The Dot together at the end of the night, instead of walking off in their separate directions, he would follow her home. He would walk the five hundred and forty-six steps with her (slightly more, if she had been wearing heels) until they reached her house. She wouldn't have to fumble around with keys, or distract her mother just enough to get him in, they could both just easily slide through the open basement window.

------

"Nelson? I thought she had put this place on her blacklist a long time ago," Jay said, obviously puzzled.

"I guess even you can't come in between a girl and her love of strawberry milkshakes," Spinner replied uncomfortably.

Uncomfortable was the perfect word to describe his demeanor whenever Jay had been around. He hadn't done anything wrong. Emma wasn't Jay's girlfriend. Even if she was, he hadn't done anything that could have gotten him in trouble. Free sodas and good conversation wasn't crossing the line. Still he thought about crossing that line, and that was guilt enough for his already-full conscience. 

He'd apologized more times this year than he could ever remember. Sorry, Ms. Hatzilakos, for fucking up your school. Sorry, Jimmy, for fucking up your life. Sorry, Manny, for being a fucking horrible boyfriend. Sorry, Mom and Dad, for getting kicked the fuck out of school. Sorry, Rick, you're fucking dead. 

He knew Emma didn't ask for any apologies. In fact, she'd spent the last year dealing them out too.


	2. Chapter 2

"I'm sorry about yesterday," he said as he stopped at her locker before school had started the next day.

"Don't be," Emma said, avoiding his desperate attempt to make eye contact. "It wasn't your fault."

"I know it wasn't, but still…" Spinner trailed off.

"You missed my company? I know, must've been tough on you," she said through a smile.

"One whole afternoon without Emma Nelson, now that's something to cry about," he said playfully.

She smiled, but motioned toward the glass doors of Degrassi Community School.

"People are starting to come in," she said biting her lip.

"So? We can't be friends?" he replied.

"If we can't 'be friends' in front of Jay, for your sake, then we can't 'be friends' in front of Manny, for mine, or hers, or I'm not even sure who I am looking out for, but it's someone. Plus, you know how fast gossip travels down these halls, you're damaged goods, Mr. Mason, we can't have that rubbing off on me," she said with heavy sarcasm.

"Well, I wouldn't want my reputation to be tarnished by hanging out with nerds anyway; I've got this loner persona to maintain. If someone sees me with, you know, a friend or something, this whole school might just turn upside down," he said lightheartedly, as he walked away.

"After-school, Mason."

"After-school, Nelson."

He knew the Emma had been joking, he was too, but underneath all the words that put smiles on their faces, lurked a truth that was bigger than the both of them. He'd gotten used to his only words at school being spoken to Kwan, or worst case scenario, Hatzilakos, but it didn't mean that it no longer hurt every time got a glimpse of Jimmy, or every time Marco averted his eyes in the halls. He'd grown up knowing only the friendship of the two of them, and without them in his life, he felt lost. He had Jay still, but that's who got him into this mess in the first place. His influence hadn't always proven to be the best.

Spinner remembered the rage that had filled him after he found out someone had been shot. He pressured Jay to confess, but knew his lack of any redeeming qualities would prevent him from doing so. Taking matters into his own hands allowed him to forgive, forget, and realize that Jay may be the only friend he would have for a long time.

That's why he was so confused. The contempt that he once held Jay in was slowly starting to creep back up on him.

"Why do I have to worry about his feelings? That's if he even has any," he thought to himself.

But as much Jay joked about the ravine, his "blonde bombshell", and the only reason he wanted Emma back was for more "good times", Spinner knew that there was more to it. The few and far between times that he actually used her name, instead of some nick-name relating to her love for the environment, thin-frame, or blonde hair; you could hear a difference in his voice. It was as if it was actually hard for him to say it, to say "Emma". On the days when Jay picked him up for school, they'd sometimes see her leaving from the building. Instead of speeding off and causing a scene, which had been trademark of his Halloween orange Civic, he found a reason to fumble with the radio, or need to look through the glove compartment, until she passed. Jay was Superman, and she was his kryptonite.


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn't days later that she started to feel regret about opening her house to Manny. She talked all night, always asked questions about where Emma had gone, or planned to go, and her Mom had started to treat Manny as if she was the daughter they'd been raising all these years.

"Honey, I don't understand how Manny has hours of homework in front of her every afternoon, and you have enough time to be in all these clubs, and participate in activities until late into the day. Aren't you two in some of the same classes?" Spike asked her.

All of the same classes, actually.

"No, Mom. I get my work done, you know, study hall. And come on, you know Manny, she's not…the brightest bulb in the bunch. Just because it takes her three hours to get through pre-calculus, doesn't mean it will take me the same," I replied. "Plus, have I ever given you a reason to worry about my grades? Wait, don't answer that, but you saw my progress report, A's across the board, I'm doing fine and helping to save the environment at the same time."

Environmental Crusader Emma Nelson had vanished a long time ago. The trees were going to die, just like everything else; there was no point in trying to delay the inevitable. Sean was right when he shouted those words to me. I was a babysitter, a nurse, a nerd, and whatever else he called me. I'd forgotten how to have fun, and he risked his life to save some no-fun, boring, mind-numbing girl. Well no more, life was about having fun in any way that you can. Sean had fun busting up vending machines with some wannabe gang members, and I fun any time I wasn't trapped between the walls of this house.

"Manny, could you know, not sit at the kitchen table for six hours under the rouse of doing homework? My parents are starting to ask questions," Emma said, in an angered tone.

"Em, Mr. Simpson, your Dad, he's great with helping me. You know I have to keep my grades up if I want to go to University. I'm not smart like you, Emma, it takes me a long time to do it all," Manny replied.

"Funny, you never seemed to care until you moved in here."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You should know by now, shouldn't you? It all relates for your deep-rooted need for attention. Do you homework, Manny, it's still not going to make my parents love you more than me."

"Thanks, Em. You're real supportive."

"Supportive? I'll tell you what supportive is. Supportive is Grade 8, having the biggest crush in the world on Craig Manning. Day-dreaming about him, telling you how much I cared about him, and sneaking to the Grade 9 dance, just to get a chance at seeing him. Supportive is when he asks you to dance, instead of me, nodding my head to tell you I was okay with it. But do you know what I did that night? Do you even care? I went home and cried on my bed for hours. Because I was jealous of you, Manny Santos, I was jealous. Isn't that your classic line? Well you know what, maybe you're right, everyone is jealous that they aren't naïve enough to walk around in barely any clothing and steal other people's boyfriends. They are jealous that they know better, and therefore have no excuse. And you know what, the night I found you two on my bed, after you'd ditched me, yet again, forgiving you for that, that was support. Then you found out you were pregnant, right? I was there for you then, too. And let's fast-forward to now, just to see if anything's changed. I spend all summer crushing on one guy, one guy you promise me you have no interest in. But, of course, as always, you do. And you take him up to some room and let him film you while you take off your clothing. How do I react? By letting you live in my damn house. That's what support is, Manny Santos," Emma's voice was cracking as she spoke.

"Wow, Em. That's a pretty good recap of everything that I've done wrong the past few years. I'm not perfect like you are, tall, brainy, blonde. I don't have the same support system…" Manny trailed off as she spoke through tears.

"It's not about what _I_ have, you know that. It's about you. All I'm saying, all I'm asking, is that you let me have my time. It's my turn to be care-free, and do things how I want to do them. You can't get mad at me for it," Emma said.

"Fine," Manny said as she climbed up the stairs.


End file.
